i always thought of myself as an optimistic person…well, in general. you’re not necessarily "not optimistic" if you worry a lot, right?! (rhetorical) the odd thing is when i start to worry, i start worrying about the universe! (exag.) i came up with the list of things i ‘pointlessly’ worried about the past week… they’re in my mind now… the list is a bit long so i’d rather procrastrinate and jot the list tomorrow…next time… later…
- I should be on post-bday break…take off from work for a few days..lazy in the beach…perhaps with Maia.
- Can make use of my bday gifts at the beach! huge towel that would be nice on fine sand, the summer bag although it’s rather small, and the black sarong…hmmmmn..reminds me of my favorite tubao from davao…that was my favorite wrap.
- Changes. Resolutions. I think about resolutions on three occasions: New Year (be wiser, save money, be more health-conscious, have more time with family); Lent (be more gentle and more giving); and my Birthday (be happy, be open to new love)…it’s Jan, Feb and Feb-March though…hope they’re spread out in the year so I can remember them.
- Time…why can i not be rushed?!
- Positive disposition…It’s what I want for myself…what i want from others.
- Take care of me… I wanna take care of me.
- PMS. I hate PMS-ing…Am nursin a huge headache just now…
- Boob job?! If one feels complete and feels good with boobs, why not… I have my chest flabs and Triumph to thank for now.
- Commitments are complicated.
This isn’t what I like to call flattery,
but I know that I believe that I’ve found what’s true,
that I’ve found what’s you.
Truthfully I
I’m finding finally.
Truthfully you
you helped me find at last.
Truthfully we
are finding out what’s true.
And truthfully I am finding out what’s you.
Surprise, cause I was flying the plane.
Surprise, cause now I’m smiling again.
Surprise, cause you showed up with your parachute.
Surprise, I’m kind of happy you showed up.
Truthfully I
I’m finding finally.
Truthfully you
you helped me find at last.
Truthfully we
are finding out what’s true.
And truthfully I am finding out what’s you.
Truthfully, I really can’t explain, I’m floating, I’m smiling again.
Truthfully, I can’t ignore you, cause I’ve been waiting for you.
Truthfully, I’m not desperate, I haven’t changed my mind since we first met,
but the last thing that I want to do is to tell you that I’m right for you.
Truthfully I
I’m finding finally.
Truthfully you
you helped me find at last.
Truthfully we
are finding out what’s true.
And truthfully I am finding out what’s you.
I’m finding finally.
Truthfully, I’m finding out what’s you.
I’m smiling again.
Truthfully
Skeleton boy by the side of the road.
He warned me, he told me;
he said, "There’s this woman, she’s a hurricane,
He will heal your heart up, and she is hurrying."
She said, "Don’t look for holidays.
Don’t look, just run away.
Go suffocate, and choke your own cry.
Go where the water,
where the water, seeps from the pink sky.
But behead this woman, she’s a hurricane,
she will heal your heart up, and she is hurrying.
Remember your reflection in a pool, in a puddle."
And the leaves sped top-speed towards me,
and my image was muddled.
“I’m a lightheaded wonder,” she said
”Don’t you see my mind slow down?
I’m a lightheaded wonder
don’t you see my mind slow down?
slow down
I’ve compassion for strangers,
an affinity for danger
won’t you be my sacrifice?
I’m a lightheaded wonder
don’t you see my mind slow down for you?
And for you?"
No
You’re a headless woman, you’re a hurricane.
You will heal my heart up?
No, I will heal my own heart up, you are hurting.
I’m a sunburn slap upon your arm,
I’ll twist you ‘til you break,
and you’re a hurricane.
Sentenaryo ng UP…maraming gimik, maraming invites na masarap sana puntahan kaya lang masyadong busy ngaun sa office…mahaba pa naman ang centennial celebration, sana makapuslit rin ako sa dami ng trabaho…andami ko yatang masasayang araw sa campus…
paging meds, jing, gladyz, shirls, wyl, yvette…boggs at rolex narin…mga ka-Unyon sa UJP, katambayan sa Film Circle at ang inabanduna kong org…mga bibihira kong makita na mga astig na writers sa UP Quill… hehe..sarappp umorder ng beer tapos mag-kwentuhan magdamag kung kasama ko lang ngaun tong mga tao na to…mag-reunion kaya tayo?! :)
i’m thinkin randomly of my "moments" in UP…marami yun pero eto yung mga naiisip ko ngaun…
1) dun ko na-meet ang first love ko…uyyy..juicy…siguro alam ng marami kong friends na sya ang first love ko.. however one defines "first love" basta ako si ….. ang saken. 
i was 18 then, hahah..nakakatawa maalala. maraming kilig, maraming tawa, marami ring iyak ang dinaanan ko dun. mga "tulaan" sa tambayan, movie dates sa SM North, byaheng Ikot, byaheng Toki, Philcoa - Campus, mga aktibidades ng Unyon, open house sa Yakal, internship sa Manila Times!!!!! nakita ko nga sya recently…of all places, sa Beyonce concert in Manila…hmmmn, nawindang na naman ang nerves sa buong sistema ni Melinda… makalaglag-upuan yung halos isang oras ko syang kausap sa cel after ng concert…tsk, tsk…sayang ang kwento ng first love ko…pero masaya. :)
2) Yakal days! oo, during my last year sa undergrad, nag-dorm ako sa pinaka-cool na dormitoryo sa UP…yun ang ultimate freedom from my parents pero umiyak ako nung unang linggo ko dun…pagkatapos ng unang lingo, heheh, happy days again. pancit canton days with my roommie - vilma (nasan na kaya sya nagun) meds, madz, mia… poetry reading, fish balls, isaw-an sa kalayaan, yakal open house, paging pag may bisita, mga sundo-hatid sa mga iilang "dates" ko nung college days…haha. may pinag-trip-an pa kami ni meds na padalhan ng love letter dun…haaay, dun kami naging super close ni meds. :)
3) MassComm — pano ko naman di babalikan ang college…don ako natuto…dun ko nakuha yung mga "baon" ko ngayon sa corporate world, heheh…sayang nga, di ako masyadong serious student…tama na saken ang pasado, pero okay din pala na maganda ang TOR mo although wala naman ako naibagsak kahit isang subject..INC lang
4) nag-M.A. din ako for one year…Master in Int’l Studies na sa tingin ko eh medyo nasayang kasi di ko naman nagagamit ngayon..okay na rin - pang-pol sci understanding…masaya rin naman sa CSSP…mejo mas pilosopo lang ang mga tao, mas nag-issip. sa MIS, may mga naging kaibigan din ako, sina belyn, alma, soraya…nagka-crush pa ko sa isa kong classmate…yung member ng naging sikat na banda, SUGARFREE..si jalton taguibao…hehe, cool na cool yung mama na yun. haaay, nag-e-MA na rin pala ko nung una kong ma-meet ang una kong boyfriend…Maia’s dad…see, there’s a lot of memories in UP…malayo na rin sya..literally miles away…taken…we’re trying to work out "parenthood" nang magkahiwalay…i’ve realized i can’t ask or teach him how to be a dad to our daughter…sya lang ang makakapagbigay nun… anyways, going back to UP…wish ko na dun mag-aral si Maia…wala lang..after all, isn’t UP the best university, hahah, patronizing…
Maraming-marami pa kong moments na saka na lang ulit babalikan dahil magpapamasahe pa ko.
am thought-less…tryin to think but couldn’t process…
sleep-less…thought-less…energy-less…inspire-less…
gulped down about 10 martinis…wound down with black seven…
breathed west ice…and still thought-less…
i yearn for what i don’t need…
gaspin’…bleedin’…hurtin’…
why, heart won’t heed….
stupid…
Pinupukaw ng matinding alinsangan at uhaw
Ang katawan ko’ng hindi maglapat sa papag;
Sa ilang tablang sundo ang aking mahahabang biyas;
Kung saan na yata pinaka-preskong hig’an sa mga gabing gaya nito.
Yun ang katreng paboritong pahingahan ng aking wala ng Ama.
Sa bungad ng aming maliit na salas;
Doon kung saan lagak noon ang ng kanyang hapong katawan;
Tanging pahingahan ng masasakit na buto’t kalamnan.
Ipinipinta ko sa aking gising na isip,
Ang ngiwi ng kanyang mukhang humapis na sa nagdaang taon.
Ako ang prinsesita ng aking Ama;
Sya’ng nene ng may kung ilang taon.
Ako, bukod sa aking naging tanging supling.
Ako ang kapatid na babaeng sya’y di nagkaron;
Ako’ng anak na nagdalang-saya sa kanya
At sya ring naglukob ng sukdul-lungkot
Nang di ko sundin ang pagbuo ng pamilya.
Di ko ginustong lisan ang aming tahanan;
Marami ako’ng pangakong tutupdin pa.
Mga luha sa sulok ng kanyang mga pikit nyang mata
At daluyong ng dibdib
Ang mga alaalang pagkit sa aking isip sa kanyang paglisan
Luha’ng ayaw patahanin ng ‘paalam’ na di na nabigkas;
Daluyong ng dibdib sa sakit na kinupkop ng ilang taon.
Limamput’ higit na taong punyagi;
Ang ipinabaon sa amin ng aking Ama.
Matibay na disposisyon na kung ituring ng iba ay yabang;
Sikap at malayang isip ang yamang iwan sa aking ng Ama.
Hinihintay ko ang pagdalaw nya.
Umiikot ang aking tingin sa iilang dipang pagitang pader
Ng aming mumunting tahanang syang-lamlam.
May kung ilang araw ding ipinamamahay ko sa king isip
Ang pagdapo ng paruparong Mariposa sa aming dingding.
Ang pakpak ng paruparo ang magdadala ng balita;
Sya’ng makaririnig sa sambit kong pag-ibig sa’yo, Ama.
At pagkatapos…
Ililipad nya ang pinakamatayog ko’ng paggalang.
Paalam, Ama.
remembering Neruda…
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i’m paying (oh my client is paying) 550bucks on internet use 9per hr) and 75 per page printing in the business center of crowne plaza hotel…just finished cramming the finals revs to a press rls for an event that’s well…ongoing. shall continue later…gotta help the inefficent business center staple my docs!!!!!!
i’ll write my thoughts on PMS-ing next time.
